Is that REALLY the core of who I am as a person?

I read constantly on D/s Tumblr blogs that accepting that you're a slave or faggot is the first step to truly being happy. That all else in your life will just fall into place, all because you've accepted a side of yourself that in reality, few people will ever see. But is that really the key to my happiness?? Career, family, friends, money, none will offer the happiness that being a faggot or slave will?? Is that REALLY the core of who I am as a person?? Or is it more a Tumblr fantasy??

Thanks for the question Anon!

Statement: I read constantly on D/s Tumblr blogs that accepting that you’re a slave or faggot is the first step to truly being happy.

Commentary: Ehhhhhhh. It’s a path TO happiness. It’s true that some submissives really spend a lot of time making themselves miserable trying to avoid being themselves, but that’s the same thing as being gay and denying it. Sure, there are subs out there for whom embracing their submissive side IS absolutely transformative but that’s not true for everyone. I would think about embracing submission as the same sort of relief as an introvert who stops trying to keep up with their extroverted friends. Sure, you can make an effort and go against your nature/personality but it feels a lot better to go along with it.

Query: But is that really the key to my happiness?? Career, family, friends, money, none will offer the happiness that being a faggot or slave will??

Commentary: Ha, I couldn’t answer that. Everyone is motivated by different things. I think that you already have a sense of what motivates you, but… at the same time. Do consider that embracing submission (if it’s something you haven’t done, and it sounds like you haven’t) is an emotionally fulfilling experience for submissives. If you are a submissive, I would encourage you to embrace it in the same way that you embrace the many dimensions of yourself. You have a side that has professional needs for development and growth. You have a side of you that may long to deepen connections with family and friends. You probably have a side of you that deeply loves your hobbies.

Does being a submissive HAVE to be the core of who you are? Naw, but it can still be fulfilling as a dimension of you. Everyone’s experience is unique. And that’s a distinction from simply “different”. You might find you can’t live without it or that it simply is fun spice in the bedroom or anything in between. And that’s what’s so fascinating about it. Who will you blossom into when introduced to kink. So why is it so PRESSED by the Tumblr collective horny consciousness? TONS of reasons.

Here’s a few:

Doms enjoy the ego trip of being the first to convince a boy to explore submission with them.

Submissives who DID find submission to be a transformative experience and moved past fears or doubts to embrace themselves want to encourage others to share their experience. After all, if we feel good, we want others to feel good with us.

Society generally discourages men from expressing emotions or desires outside of aggression. There is a hump that needs to be overcome to convince would be boys TO submit.

Society generally demands conformity from us. It chooses to demonize submission. There’s no demon to be found in submission, it’s just another aspect of a personality. There is no shame in being who you are.

It’s scary to submit, to give up power to someone you see as deserving of your power. What if he rejects you, what if you don’t serve him well enough, or what if he hurts you? How do YOU as a person deal with your own submissive tendencies? Do you feel shame? Regret?

Speaking of feeling scared to submit, isn’t it a nice thought that if you can just bring yourself TO submit that some form of genuine happiness is on the other side? Doesn’t that carrot seem worth grasping for?

But to directly embrace your question: “Is that REALLY the core of who I am as a person??” Of course, I don’t know. Find out. Not every person who embraces dominance, submission, or the path of a switch ends up living their role in hierarchies and leather families. But with some exceptions, there are quite a few people who never saw that need coming until they got into this. I’m one of them. I never knew how badly I was missing this part of me until I tried dominance and having one experience I ached for more and when I fed that ache it filled in such a part of me that had never been fed that I knew I could never go without power exchange again.

As for your final question: “Or is it more a Tumblr fantasy??”

There are tons of fantasy on here, all day, every day. I write a bunch of it. Depends on what you’re reading. Sometimes it’s erotic to push a true thought or experience to its extreme and imagine what that’s like. Other times it’s the most intense recounting of a true experience. But there really ARE people who are transformed by kink.

I ramble a lot, but I hope this was helpful.