My thoughts on raceplay

Hello, Sir. I'm 26, been trying to be a Dom since I was a teen. Currently serving as a submissive for a MissMoxie. She is training me to eventually be able to take proper alpha cock. My question is: have you any experience as a submissive, and do you have any tips for a recent Dom-turned-sub.

Hello little switch,

First up, no. I do not have any experience as a submissive. When i wanted to be a better dominant i found a pro-Dominant and paid him for his time. Once a week for 8 months we spoke over skype on a variety of topics i wanted education on and i drove that education. I planned, i thought out questions, hell i even did some homework at one point, and i participated to the fullest extent i could in that entire process.

I’m not entirely certain i understand your story though. Are you serving MissMoxie because she is teaching you lessons about being dominant and in exchange you serve her? I’m not certain if you are asking for how to learn to be a better dominant from her that’s one set of answers. If you’re looking to learn to be submissive from her that’s another set of answers.

I’m betting that based on the content of what you wrote you’re looking to become submissive. So here’s some short tips.

Let go - As a dominant we grip the reigns, take the first step, we’re leaders of the pack. If you want to experience submission, you need to let go of the reigns. I would even go so far as to recommend that trust exercise where you fall back and have her catch you. You won’t be in control of the fall or when or how she catches you. It is good practice for letting go.

Focus outwards - When you are serving, do not spend as much time within your head. Don’t focus on yourself, your needs, or your feelings. Focus on her. Spend those thoughts on anticipating needs, learning patterns, making sure you’re remembering rules.

Be inspired - I don’t know what led you to follow MissMoxie, but we are dominants because we INSPIRE submission in others. If you are giving up control, look to her and let yourself be inspired to submit. Focus on the aspects that inspire you to submit to her. Is it the way she walks? Is it the way she talks to you? I’m sure you know better than i do, but embrace that inspiration.

Before i started my time with the pro-dom there was a dominant who i found online and i enjoyed his style greatly. I really wanted to be taught by him, but while my focus was on education, his was on his cock. He demanded my service without ever agreeing to teach me anything. My point, is not everyone is cut out to teach. If you are getting the education out of her that you seek. Bring that up with her. You’re serving with an explicit purpose and her needs ARE being met. You’re holding up your end of the bargain. She needs to do the same. If she doesn’t then leave and find another. If you have any spare cash i would be happy to refer you to my mentor for a time to learn.

Personally, i would demand of my own teacher actual explicit lessons (but that’s why i sought the pro-dominant i did. I could make demands of him because i was paying him). Here’s some generic tips around getting yourself an education.

Know what you want to know - Come into each session ready to serve, but with a specific item you want to learn. What are your areas of weakness? Do you have a skill she can teach that you want to learn? Are there experiences she can provide? Drive that process. Being a student is an active role. Always be making progress in completing your goals. I recommend literally writing out a huge list of everything you want to know.

Repeat back what you’re hearing - This is simply to make sure that your understanding of what was said matches what was actually being told to you. Not everyone’s communication styles mesh and it will also help you retain what you learn if you repeat it aloud.

Always be processing what is said and done - Note the way she moves, she handles you, word choice, how it makes you feel, what her goals are and how she gets you to accomplish them. There are plenty of dominants out there who work with the physical aspect of things through bondage or sadism, but i am a big proponent of the mental aspect of things. I strongly urge you to analyze everything. As a dominant you should act and speak with purpose. We are not grandiose to be grandiose, we are creating atmosphere, putting our submissive in a proper headspace, and instituting rules and behaviors to keep them there. What she does is less important than how she does it.
 

Find your voice - This is the advice for when you are done. When you have served and learned and come away from it all with an education. You need to spend time with yourself, find what turns you on and dissect it. When you understand yourself and your needs fully you can more capably direct others to act in accordance with your will. More specifically, find your preferred language, your preferred title, your preferred kinks, your favorite rules for service, and gear that makes you feel like a god. Your dominance should fit you like warm clothes from the laundry, comfortable and perfectly fitting.