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Is that REALLY the core of who I am as a person?

I read constantly on D/s Tumblr blogs that accepting that you're a slave or faggot is the first step to truly being happy. That all else in your life will just fall into place, all because you've accepted a side of yourself that in reality, few people will ever see. But is that really the key to my happiness?? Career, family, friends, money, none will offer the happiness that being a faggot or slave will?? Is that REALLY the core of who I am as a person?? Or is it more a Tumblr fantasy?? Thanks for the question Anon! Statement: I read constantly on D/s Tumblr blogs that accepting that you’re a slave or faggot is the first step to truly being happy. Commentary: Ehhhhhhh. It’s a path TO happiness. It’s true that some submissives really spend a lot of time making themselves miserable trying to avoid being themselves, but that’s the same thing as being gay and denying it. Sure, there are subs out there for whom embracing their submissive side IS absolutely transformative but that’s...
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Impostor Syndrome and BDSM

  Impostor Syndrome and BDSM Part 1 of 2 Dissecting Impostor Syndrome   I am extremely grateful to the many people who have worked to give this concept a name and language we can all use in discussing it. Impostor syndrome can affect subs or doms, but for the purposes of this article I overcame it as a dominant and wanted to discuss it in detail from that perspective because I know other dominants struggle with this silently. Even amongst each other we don’t often discuss it. It is always important to start by defining the topic of discussion. Impostor syndrome is a feeling that we’re in a position in life, in love, in our career, or in BDSM that we have not in fact earned and that if others found out we’d be exposed and humiliated for pretending to be someone we aren’t.  I’d say 2017 was the last time I was feeling impostor syndrome pretty severely. I know not everyone reading this will know who I am, so I’d like to discuss my background and bonafides not as ...
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Something's preventing me from serving a younger dom. How do I get past it?!

demoncleaner66  asked: My question is: I’m a beta boi or bottom, I’m finding myself getting a little older (42) and am wondering if could get involved with a younger Alpha considering I’ve always been involved with Older, experienced and more verbally dominant men. I don’t know the answer but I’m thinking there’s some sort of issue in my mind that’s not allowing me to get into the correct “headspace “ I need to be in. Difficult at best to give my all and get lost in the servitude, submission and simplicitic beauty of serving my Domme?   Hi there beta boi, Thanks for the question. I found this just a bit hard to follow so I’m going to break it out piece by piece to answer it. Part 1: "I’m a beta boi or bottom, I’m finding myself getting a little older (42) and am wondering if could get involved with a younger Alpha considering I’ve always been involved with Older, experienced and more verbally dominant men." Answer: This may have just been an oversight on your part, but I wasn...
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I'm a fem, vers bot AND a Dominant? Where do I fit in the kink community?

Hello Sir, So first off I'd like to say love the blog, an i very much appreciate you for trying to educate your following generations. So thank you for that. So I have a bit of an odd but very honest question because I'm a bit lost as to where I fit in the dom-sub spectrum. Before that though I need to give you some information on myself. I'm 25, bottom vers, and rather fem. But when it comes to sex all of my partners (when I have one) have told me I have a dominant personality. As I like to be the one in control. I love it when I get to blindfold an tie my partner down to my bed or up against something. An then bring us both to a body trembling ecstasy like orgasm. So the question I have is, in your experience is there such a thing as being a dominant bottom verse or am I just kidding myself an just haven't found the right dom who brings out my sub side? Hello there malelover, Thanks so much for saying such kind things. When I first started in BDSM I didn’t find my loc...
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Kink mentoring archives

  I continue to welcome those seeking advice, but I wanted to take a moment to share a free resource for those of you needing guidance in BDSM. This archive belongs to my mentor Papa Tony. Papa Tony is the greatest dominant I’ve ever had the pleasure to know. He is unbelievably strong, deep, with a wisdom that seems to form a horizon in front of you. Everywhere you look, he’s been. And he is one of the kindest human beings to ever grace the face of this planet. I’ve grown immeasurably thanks to his support and friendship, but the most important thing he’s taught me, is to give away knowledge. To give to the next generation of the community. Welcome them, show them the way of kindness and strength so that we ARE a COMMUNITY. And so brothers, sisters, and siblings, I welcome you. And I bring a resource that isn’t just information. I bring you a resource that is wisdom. There’s so, so much on the net, and this is the sifted gems from the silt. And if you need further wisdom? Ask me an...
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My thoughts on raceplay

Anonymous   asked: What are your thoughts on raceplay? Obviously, raceplay is consensual and racism isn't, so how would someone go about navigating the thin boundary between the two? It seems as easy as just open communication and setting those boundaries but it is a touchy topic to bring up in the first place so it'd be great to know more about it. This isn’t the first time I’ve answered on this question, but I think that an update is overdue. This is also going to be long so strap in and each section is going to talk about different angles, thoughts, and experiences with raceplay. Trigger warnings:  This post will contain discussions or racially motivated sexualized play. It may reference racial violence as part of historical context or for illustrative purposes. If you are not in a place to read this material, don’t. It’ll be here if you really want to read it later. About the Author:  I’m a white gay man in my 30s. I have engaged with raceplay with submissives (and a ...
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