Sir Alex's BDSM Advice

"How do you approach a dom without scaring him off? I want to let him know that he can do literally anything to me without over doing it." I’m going to start by assuming that you’re absolutely capable of anything a dominant can dish out to give my initial advice. That second sentence you wrote needs to be carefully rephrased. Assuming the following is true, I'd be far more comfortable hearing: “Sir, hello. I am a submissive who finds you and what you do very attractive. I’d like to let you know I am a very experienced submissive. I have been practicing BDSM for X years and have had dominant after dominant pushing my limits and I think you will find they are more developed than submissives who may have approached you so far. If you’re inclined to hear more I’d be happy to tell you about my experiences and discuss yours as well.” The above is thoughtful, conversational, and respectful. I’d find something to that effect far more believable than “no limits” which I h...

"Hello Sir, have you ever wounded a boy accidentally? I apologized and he said it was nothing but I feel so, so bad." Hi there! I think I'm talking to a fellow Sir but I’m a little uncertain… I’m so sorry to hear that! I know exactly how guilty you must feel. I have messed up. I haven’t actually wounded someone yet. Hope I never do. I did mess up once with a submissive in my care. In short, I did not know that a boy who had a ball gag in his mouth needed to drool and not swallow spit. When I struck his ass with a cane it was a harder than before he was surprised and inhaled sharply. The spittle went into his lungs and his body panicked as if he were drowning. He was, however, bound at the time and thrashing about clearly freaking out. I had to push my way in despite being kicked and elbowed to remove the gag and cut him free of the ropes with safety scissors. In the end, he took a moment to steady himself, I apologized, and he ran out. I’ve never seen or heard from...

"Hello sir. I'm a senior in college who is a sub/switch and I've finally met another person in tumblr who lives nearby, is a year older than me, and is into the same stuff I am(boot worship/trampling) (he also says he's 90% sub, 10% dom). We've talked for a bit and we both have expressed that meeting for a session would be awesome. I'd messaged him a few days ago and he never responded. I'm afraid that he's ignoring me/passively cancelling our idea but I don't want to sound pushy. Any advice?" Thanks for the question! I’m in this very situation almost monthly. I think that the first bit of context we should add in here is that when it comes to messages through messenger there is no notification outside of Tumblr (unlike this very ask you sent me which generated an email). Whatever you write, you should just keep in mind without a notification if anything serious came up in real life he might have become distracted and forgotten about the ...

" I'm a Dom who suffers from depression and anxiety. Though I'm in treatment, I still have episodes, and both my depression and anxiety operate in the background. As a result, I find that I doubt myself quite often and feel insecure. That problem is particularly bad in sexualized spaces, like most gay bars and especially BDSM spaces. I also find it difficult to determine when to open up to my subs about these issues. Do you have any advice? " Hey there fellow dominant! I hope today finds you well. Hmm. I think one of the first things I want to say is that, (if you aren’t already) you should come to a place where you can feel OK saying to yourself that this just isn’t some people’s business. It IS OK to not tell someone you’re playing with on the regular for any reason or no reason at all! There are socially acceptable niceties such as “I’m not feeling well” as a reason to cancel if you’re having an episode and in the moment you don’t want to start the conversat...