No Limits! Big Problem!

"How do you approach a dom without scaring him off? I want to let him know that he can do literally anything to me without over doing it."

 I’m going to start by assuming that you’re absolutely capable of anything a dominant can dish out to give my initial advice.

That second sentence you wrote needs to be carefully rephrased. Assuming the following is true, I'd be far more comfortable hearing:

“Sir, hello. I am a submissive who finds you and what you do very attractive. I’d like to let you know I am a very experienced submissive. I have been practicing BDSM for X years and have had dominant after dominant pushing my limits and I think you will find they are more developed than submissives who may have approached you so far. If you’re inclined to hear more I’d be happy to tell you about my experiences and discuss yours as well.”

The above is thoughtful, conversational, and respectful. I’d find something to that effect far more believable than “no limits” which I hear from countless submissives. Be aware that those submissives use "no limits" as an opening line and usually just wait for me to reply. I see so many "hi" or "how are you" messages that while i'll reply i'm usually not engaged until we're past the pleasantries.

You said you don’t want to scare a dominant off. That second sentence you wrote in your question immediately scares me off as a dominant.

I instantly fear that you have no sense of your own limits and that by telling me I can’t overdo it that I'm going to harm you during play if I believe you. Please recognize that even if you were consenting to anything at all and you were harmed, you could withdraw that consent, call the authorities, and a dominant could go to jail for harming you.

Be honest with yourself here. If a dominant broke your bones would you REALLY be happy with that? I’m dubious. There are absolute limits and you really should think about exactly what those are.
I tell you all of this both to make you think about your own well being and to be as honest as I possibly can be about why exactly “you can do anything” is a really scary thing to hear from a submissive. I WANT you to have a sense of your limits. When you have a sense of your limits, and I feel you can be trusted to call out a safe word if you really need it… That’s when I can let loose a little. I can act and find the boundaries of what you’re capable of so I can freestyle within them. That’s when it’s sexiest. Seriously boy, be safe!

Lastly, I know your question was around how to approach a dominant about “no limits” but here are some other quick tips for approaching dominants.

  • Be polite and respectful. (do not insult him first thing)
  • Immediately offer to send a pic or two as a sign of good faith.
  • Show you want to be of service to him in whatever capacity you want to serve.
  • Recognize that we hear from a lot of submissives. Be conversational to stand out.
  • Don’t put in any more effort than you are getting back. I know there are dominants out there who behave badly and take advantage of subs. It’s ok to expect equitable (if you do not want equal) treatment from a dominant. 
  • Call him on his shit if he’s behaving poorly. You’ll be doing him a favor if you’re constructively critical. We’re usually so curious why it is we do not land a sub.
  • Lastly, remember, even if a dominant is not for you sexually… it’s worth befriending someone if you get along. Friendships can be even more fulfilling than sex.


Need to know how a dominant thinks? Need advice on approach? Ask me for advice!

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