I can't seem to let go and submit. Help!
Hi. I have a question for you, which is possibly an open ended writing trigger. How do you suggest someone let go in terms of being submissive? I have submissive fantasies and desires, but I don't act on them because I don't know how to let go or give myself to someone else in that way. I can never clear my mind and be sexually free during intimate situations. It tends to be anxiety more than anything else, no matter who the partner is or how comfortable I am with them. Thank you!
Thanks for the question.
Before i say anything else, you must know… I can’t tell you how to submit mentally. That is the part you have to make happen for yourself.
That said. I asked my boy if he had any input i might have missed as a dominant. Here are his thoughts:
- Remember how much you desire Domination.
- Hold in your mind the reasons your chosen Man is worthy of your trust.
- Let go and submit before him.
I did actually write something on this subject myself in the post “Cultivating Bravery”. Something is holding you back. Even you know that. The question is what it is. You’re going to have to try to pin down exactly what the problem is before either of us can address it. If i were to guess you have a lot of fears around “what will happen if i actually let myself submit”. Do any of these sound right or familiar?
- What if i submit and like it too much?
- What would that mean for the rest of my life?
- Does it mean i can only be in a D/s relationship?
- Can i never have a marriage ceremony?
- What will my friends think?
- WHAT WILL MY PARENTS THINK?
The answer to all of those questions is straight forward. How badly do you need submission in your life? That, you can only know by actually submitting. If it’s the transcendent experience you’ve been craving and your life lead up to that moment? Then the rest of it it irrelevant. It’s so important you’ll find a way to make it fit in your life. Kink is incredibly flexible… ASK A SWITCH! It can always fit into your life if you need it.
What if you submit and some of it is good, but some of it you don’t care for? Well you just learned something about what doesn’t work for you and you can now refine your needs to find the kind of guy you’re looking for. When you finally do find what you are looking for, you’ll find you need D/s or you need it every once and awhile. Either should give you the info you need.
What if you submit and it’s nothing like what you wanted? Well either you need to find something that IS what you wanted, or perhaps D/s is not something that changes your life and that’s ok.
No matter what happens, there’s no sense in fearing the unknown because once you get past fearing it, you can start living the life that’s best for you. I hope that all helps!
Before i say anything else, you must know… I can’t tell you how to submit mentally. That is the part you have to make happen for yourself.
That said. I asked my boy if he had any input i might have missed as a dominant. Here are his thoughts:
- Remember how much you desire Domination.
- Hold in your mind the reasons your chosen Man is worthy of your trust.
- Let go and submit before him.
I did actually write something on this subject myself in the post “Cultivating Bravery”. Something is holding you back. Even you know that. The question is what it is. You’re going to have to try to pin down exactly what the problem is before either of us can address it. If i were to guess you have a lot of fears around “what will happen if i actually let myself submit”. Do any of these sound right or familiar?
- What if i submit and like it too much?
- What would that mean for the rest of my life?
- Does it mean i can only be in a D/s relationship?
- Can i never have a marriage ceremony?
- What will my friends think?
- WHAT WILL MY PARENTS THINK?
The answer to all of those questions is straight forward. How badly do you need submission in your life? That, you can only know by actually submitting. If it’s the transcendent experience you’ve been craving and your life lead up to that moment? Then the rest of it it irrelevant. It’s so important you’ll find a way to make it fit in your life. Kink is incredibly flexible… ASK A SWITCH! It can always fit into your life if you need it.
What if you submit and some of it is good, but some of it you don’t care for? Well you just learned something about what doesn’t work for you and you can now refine your needs to find the kind of guy you’re looking for. When you finally do find what you are looking for, you’ll find you need D/s or you need it every once and awhile. Either should give you the info you need.
What if you submit and it’s nothing like what you wanted? Well either you need to find something that IS what you wanted, or perhaps D/s is not something that changes your life and that’s ok.
No matter what happens, there’s no sense in fearing the unknown because once you get past fearing it, you can start living the life that’s best for you. I hope that all helps!
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