How did you find your mentor?

Your blog makes me want to assert my natural superiority to a young, white male in the L.A. Area. I'm 34yo, white/Latin, professional, athletic. Your posts lit a fire in me and I want to learn from a mentor the way you did. Who's the best? Any trained fags in the area whom you know?

Best is really a matter of opinion. I am always partial first towards my mentor. Eric Pride. For anyone else who hadn’t seen the mentor references he was referring to… I spent 8 months speaking with my mentor over skype. We did an hour every other week. I paid him for his time and I came up with my own curriculum and directed my own education. I am certain Eric would not mind taking on a new student. Do a quick google search and you can find him easily. He is my preferred suggestion.

If cash is tight, you could always try going the route our BDSM forefathers went and participate in the “old guard”. The Old Guard references a particular structure of BDSM wherein you can only participate in the community if you have sought a master and submitted yourself to him. You give him your time, labor, and probably your ass. In exchange he gives you his time, experience, and acts as a mentor. Personally, if i have a submissive bone in my body i can’t find it. This sounded extremely unappealing to me, but it IS free and the education is VERY good and comprehensive. When you’re done with your time with a Sir you have an established network of other kinksters who all have a lot of experience and will speak well of you. That usually means a LOT of play partners lining up.

LA is a very large city so you’re in a good position to take advantage of the other kinksters if you can manage the distances getting across the city. I did a very quick google search and found an educational BDSM association. I am not certain if these are free or not. Keep in mind BDSM clubs often have a small fee associated with them. In addition to keeping up the building, by charging membership clubs can get around laws around nudity and sex in public. “We have a membership and thus control who has access to such an environment. Therefore we’re all adults leave us the fuck alone.” sort of a thing. Regardless, you could do a lot worse than having a possibly free monthly class on a variety of topics. I recommend going but specifically NOT looking for a play partner. Go looking to make friends. If you can find friends some of them may be willing to teach you, but at minimum you’ll have some new buddies you can talk about BDSM openly with. Also, as i remember it, “Fault Line” is a club in LA that has BDSM patrons. When you are ready to own a boy it might be a good place to go. Here’s the link to the classes: http://avatarla.org/web/programs/monthly-program-descriptions-2016/

Lastly, please remember no one “owes” you an education. I point this out because i had a very hard time finding a mentor at first. Here’s what my thought process was and the reality of the situation.

- Why should I pay? The internet is free! Surely i can learn everything i need to from there! - Reality: Yea, the internet is free, but there’s a lot of inaccurate or incomplete information floating around. It’s also the case that a lot of personal style is injected into advice and it can be confusing to get conflicting advice on my blog and then pop over to another blog and hear something different.

- I don’t want to offer my ass up. I’m not a bottom. - Reality: That’s true, but if you’re not willing to pay, what exactly are you bringing to the table? You’re asking for someone to spend a lot of time and effort educating you and then CORRECTING you as you stumble and make beginner’s mistakes. It’s all part of learning, but it’s also all very very time consuming.

- I’ll just make a friend and he’ll teach me everything he wants to know! - Reality: That probably has happened to a few folks out there, but i bet the mentor and student were both friends long before that and had a very well established relationship.

- Be prepared to bring something to the table: Decide NOW what it is that you will part with, cash, ass, or labor (someone could have you act as a maid/butler). In addition to those three things, you’ll also be parting with time. A lot of it. As tops and dominants we have an obligation to be very well educated in what we do so that bottoms are not in peril should we severely injure them. Accidents can have lifelong repercussions. We owe it to submissives to do exactly what you want to do, educate ourselves. After all, are we really a dominant if no one will follow us?

Best of luck. Let me what you decide to do and how it goes. I’d be very interested to hear about how the scene is in LA. Who knows, i might take a vacation there if it is active enough.

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