Must I Put Up With Aggressive Doms?


I have a question now I know that some like to be dominated and they make it subtly known because they have experience and do so. But how you stop someone who thinks you’re a bottom without any or whatever from approaching you like that and I mean on apps and in real life. To help you understand  a little more I'm trying to find what I like best since I just became Bi but all I get are the overly aggressive dudes saying things from "you know you want to bottom for me" to "you know you want this" I'm kinda new but that shit just rubs the wrong way and I want to believe I can actually  find someone or something with someone that help me understand but I worry that I have to deal with that shitty aggression. So, my real question is that normal or do I just have bad luck?
- Anon

Hey there anon, 

I'm a little uncertain if this applies to you. You wrote: "I just became Bi." And I’m unclear if you've decided the label fits you or you meant "came out as bi". If you just came out, congrats! We need more out bi men and women in the world. If you didn't, well... don't worry about it till you're ready.

Question: "how you stop someone who thinks you’re a bottom without any or whatever from approaching you like that and I mean on apps and in real life.“
Short Answer: Sorry to say, but dealing with rude or aggressive dominants is part of being a sub. In fact, it's the number one reason I try to put out advice and speak to my fellow dominants on best practices for BDSM and how to approach boys. There will be dominants who approach you incorrectly. You have a few options, you can try to tell them their approach is bad and hope that information helps them shape the FUCK up later on in life, you can ignore them, you can do your best to approach doms you think will be a good man to serve and if he missteps with you let him know and only proceed if he hears you and corrects his behavior.

Statement: "all I get are the overly aggressive dudes saying things from 'you know you want to bottom for me' to 'you know you want this' I'm kind of new but that shit just rubs the wrong way and I want to believe I can actually  find someone or something with someone that help me understand but I worry that I have to deal with that shitty aggression"
 Response: First, I want you to know it rubs a GREAT many subs the wrong way. Some doms think you have to sound like a pornstar to get boys. You will almost certainly have to sort through the guys who express shitty aggression to find one or two worth serving. I would not suggest finding the most experienced man you can. They might play with you, but ultimately, you're probably better off with someone with a little to moderate experience. They'll be looking for boys to play with and they'll hopefully have learned not to act like the guys you describe while still having an open enough cart that they won't be looking for much more experienced submissives. And most importantly, as you get more experienced, you'll find that more experienced doms seek YOU out. You just have to make it through this initial gauntlet.
Addendum: I really hope that some of the newer dominants read or are reading this because I can tell you exactly why this sub is pissed off. Here are the issues with this approach: They haven't treated the boy like a person. Try asking him what titles he prefers, inquire about his day, his wellbeing, be respectful. You'll stand out. This approach is how I get laid and it gets me plenty of boys. It can work for you too. They haven't established the kind of boy they're dealing with. That means you have no idea if a boy likes hard or soft domination, nor whether or not they enjoy humiliation, degradation, or literally any other kink. They also have not in fact established he wants to bottom for them. (this is likely because they're trying to replicate "mind reading" they've seen other dominants doing while having no idea how to read a sub's mind)

Additionally, to you the writer... I'd like to toss out some tips to help you out. I'll keep these short and digestible.
1) Be respectful to the dom... for precisely as he is respectful to you.
2) Be honest about being inexperienced and still exploring. If you're going to be rejected for it, he wasn't the dom for you anyways.
3) Be sure to remember that BDSM is about power inequality. Make sure he knows what you need out of the experience, but do not overly fixate on yourself and your needs.
4) Be open to new experiences, but do not be afraid of setting hard limits around what you'll do. One of the number one mistakes boys make is to say "no limits Sir" that is a sign of stupidity, poor judgement, recklessness, and inexperience.
5) Be sure to tell a trusted friend where you're going, provide a name and any contact details you can as well as when you expect to be back. Be sure to check in when you return or message them during to let them know you're ok. Safety first.
6) If you aren't provided a safe word ask for one. If they don't use safe words don't show up or leave if you're already there.
7) Make your first session light. Don't try to do too much your first time. You want to have a good quality of experience so keep it simple.

Hopefully all this will help you sort through the doms that come your way. Stand up for yourself, keep trying to find someone worthy of your time.

Need some advice? Not sure what a BDSM kink is about? Ask me anything. Then check out my other writing!
https://breederofbetas.bdsmlr.com/
https://thegayboybible.bdsmlr.com/
twitter.com/betabreeder
https://alexbdsmadvice.blogspot.com/
and lastly, submit questions at: BDSM advicealex@gmail.com

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