I cum too quickly!

"I usually cum pretty quick, but almost always go for 2-3 rounds. Any advice on being able to last longer the first time around?"
Hey there, thanks for the question!
First off, let me say that being able to go for multiple rounds consistently is a big plus for most guys (and gals if you’re bi). I think that a multi-pronged approach is probably your best bet. 
But before I get to that approach, I’m hesitant to mention this solution but it could lead to a good outcome for you so I will. I don’t know if you have any issues with depression but anti-depressants usually have a negative effect on your ability to orgasm and considering your sensitivity could be helpful. But let’s be COMPLETELY clear what I’m suggesting. I am saying that if it turns out that you do actually have very real issues with depression and have avoided going to see a psychiatrist about them that under their direct supervision medication in this particular case might help two problems at once. If you do actually have depression this could be a good motivation to help you address the issue with someone. While you’re there you could even mention the early orgasm as sometimes they have a mental root. I am NOT suggesting that you get anti-depressants without the supervision of a psychiatrist and self medicate, nor am I suggesting that you experiment with medications in ways other than the directions prescribed to you.
My suggested approach is as follows:
  1. Kegels - First off if you’re not sure what kegels are, I linked them on the section header, go read that then come back and keep reading here. The intent is to practice using your kegels to gain a greater control of your ability to clamp down on an orgasm which is what kegels do. Now when you do that your body is going to counter by intensifying the orgasm, so what I suggest is pulling out entirely with the kegels preventing orgasm and switch to passionate kissing or oral on your partner. Now to do your exercises there are two different ways to stretch the muscle: pulse and hold. Pulse you contract and release the muscles over and over and over until you tire. Hold you bear down and hold the muscle as long as you can. DO NOT hold too hard you can get make yourself more prone to hemorrhoids in the near future that way. Kegels can be done anywhere since the only outward signs people might see of them are covered in clothes.
  2. Practice - Once you have got your kegel exercises in and feel like you’ve got practice on halting orgasm, then you’re going to whip it out and find some porn. Your objective is to masturbate till you might orgasm and then practice stopping. You’re going to clench down and leave it alone for about 30 seconds. I’m sure if you touch your cock gently you’ll be able to feel if you’re too sensitive. Anyways with some practice you can learn to control your orgasm at least long enough to stop, pull out, whatever and take a short break and do something else till you go again. This leads us into:
  3. Tell your partner - I actually have the opposite problem that you do. It is difficult for me to cum sometimes when I’m fucking. But part of my solution is the same one I recommend for you, I tell guys upfront what to expect. It does sometimes result in people not wanting to play if getting a load is everything for example. But ultimately, if they’re going to react poorly to the news it’s probably best to know that up front. And in your case I think the part about being able to cum multiple times a session is a big plus. It is the second most question of me as a dominant top right after “how hung are you?”
  4. Desensitizing sprays - If you’re still having difficulty or have a hook up before you have time to practice, you might want to stop by a sex store and find a bottle of desensitizing spray. This is exactly what it sounds like. I recommend you spray before you put a condom on. And you should wear a condom with this or you can take away the sensation of your partner with the same spray that helps you last. I don’t think it’s your best solution but it’s out there and you should know about it.
Lastly, I’d also like to put out there that there really isn’t an amount of time that’s “right” to last. It might be worth deciding for yourself how long you’d like to last and make that a goal to practice towards. While the situation is troublesome for you and you want to make a change, don’t let anyone make you feel bad if you can’t last as long as they personally want you to. Like anything in life, everyone has different needs and wants and people treat you poorly because of their baggage. Good luck!
Have a question about sex or BDSM? Need help? Ask me anything!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My thoughts on raceplay

Anonymous   asked: What are your thoughts on raceplay? Obviously, raceplay is consensual and racism isn't, so how would someone go about navigating the thin boundary between the two? It seems as easy as just open communication and setting those boundaries but it is a touchy topic to bring up in the first place so it'd be great to know more about it. This isn’t the first time I’ve answered on this question, but I think that an update is overdue. This is also going to be long so strap in and each section is going to talk about different angles, thoughts, and experiences with raceplay. Trigger warnings:  This post will contain discussions or racially motivated sexualized play. It may reference racial violence as part of historical context or for illustrative purposes. If you are not in a place to read this material, don’t. It’ll be here if you really want to read it later. About the Author:  I’m a white gay man in my 30s. I have engaged with raceplay with submissives (and a ...
Read more

Is that REALLY the core of who I am as a person?

I read constantly on D/s Tumblr blogs that accepting that you're a slave or faggot is the first step to truly being happy. That all else in your life will just fall into place, all because you've accepted a side of yourself that in reality, few people will ever see. But is that really the key to my happiness?? Career, family, friends, money, none will offer the happiness that being a faggot or slave will?? Is that REALLY the core of who I am as a person?? Or is it more a Tumblr fantasy?? Thanks for the question Anon! Statement: I read constantly on D/s Tumblr blogs that accepting that you’re a slave or faggot is the first step to truly being happy. Commentary: Ehhhhhhh. It’s a path TO happiness. It’s true that some submissives really spend a lot of time making themselves miserable trying to avoid being themselves, but that’s the same thing as being gay and denying it. Sure, there are subs out there for whom embracing their submissive side IS absolutely transformative but that’s...
Read more

Impostor Syndrome and BDSM

  Impostor Syndrome and BDSM Part 1 of 2 Dissecting Impostor Syndrome   I am extremely grateful to the many people who have worked to give this concept a name and language we can all use in discussing it. Impostor syndrome can affect subs or doms, but for the purposes of this article I overcame it as a dominant and wanted to discuss it in detail from that perspective because I know other dominants struggle with this silently. Even amongst each other we don’t often discuss it. It is always important to start by defining the topic of discussion. Impostor syndrome is a feeling that we’re in a position in life, in love, in our career, or in BDSM that we have not in fact earned and that if others found out we’d be exposed and humiliated for pretending to be someone we aren’t.  I’d say 2017 was the last time I was feeling impostor syndrome pretty severely. I know not everyone reading this will know who I am, so I’d like to discuss my background and bonafides not as ...
Read more