My dominant husband feels inadequate. How can I help?

Greetings Sir, and thank you in advance for any advice you might offer. My (dominant) husband loves that I am a slut, and encourages me to be an eager, insatiable bottom for him and others. Lately though, he's been struggling with feelings of inadequacy, both sexually and not. He and I have spoken, and he insists that I'm not responsible, but I want to do anything I can to help him. Do you have any advice for how I can be his eager, always hungry whore AND still show that he fulfills me totally?

Hello Anon! You’re welcome in advance for my advice :)

Are you aware of a particular cause for the feelings of inadequacy? Has he recently had difficulty achieving and maintaining erection? Is his body changing as he gets older and he’s self-conscious about it? Is there something else going on that might account for a blow to his self-image?

There could be. Whatever it is, I’m betting he hasn’t mentioned it to you or may even be trying to hide it from you out of shame. It’s really natural for submissives to want to be there to help their partners. But sometimes dominants have things they need to work through on their own.

Here’s what I’d advise. Sit him down. Ask permission to step outside of roles for a moment. Then ask him all kinds of questions to see if he’ll open up to you about what’s going on. Let him know that while you’re always there for him to offer support and help as his submissive, that more than anything it pains you to not know what’s going on. So even if you can’t help you want to be in the loop as his husband, partner, and submissive.

If he opens up to you:
  • Listen carefully to what he tells you.
  • Thank him.
  • Ask clarifying questions.
  • Ask where he would like to go from here.
  • Ask what you shouldn’t do with this information.
  • If he asks you to let it go let it go.
If he won’t open up to you try one or two of the following:
  • Try not to take it personally and recognize he is struggling at the moment.
  • See if you can create a surprise for him you know he’d enjoy. It can be sexual like a video for your husband you made especially for him and leave on a usb drive with a note. Or non-sexual such as a reservation at his favorite restaurant and a toast to him.
  • You could write him a love note about all the things that he does that he doesn’t know you love. Or a special moment from the past that really cemented your love for him
  • You can also try surprising him with something sexy he likes to do but hasn’t gotten into lately.
I would do all three of the above. You never know if you’re going to accidentally walk on a landmine.
If you think that the slutting may somehow be responsible you could try taking a break for a month and see how he reacts. I wouldn’t announce it or anything, just do it and see what happens.
As a fellow dominant I’m going to tell you a few common things you might not know about your dominants.
  1. We LIVE for you looking up to us. Some of us will admit that, others won’t.
  2. When we have a submissive partner, their disappointment in us is absolutely crushing. It can reduce a very strong man to a despondent lump.
  3. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to look, be, and act like the MAN you all believe us to be.
  4. We also put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be self-reliant so that you will think we’re indestructible.
So, if he continues to conceal the problem there’s probably a lot of pride being bruised because of shame and he’s afraid to have it bruised further by telling you.

He can get past it. Just stick with him. Do little caring things. Worm your way past his defenses and I’m sure he’ll be back to his old self soon enough. Good luck!

Need a bit of relationship advice? Dom not himself? Ask me for advice. Ask me anything!

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