What makes doms and subs... doms and subs?

Hi Sir, I hope you are well. Everyone seems to have their own rigid ideas about what a Master or slave is, or how they should behave. I'm in a long-term relationship where we have differing ideas about it. I prefer to strive for complete submission, whereas Sir wants his slave to challenge him occasionally. I guess I may have picked up some of these ideals from people on Tumblr (*cough cough* Bredbeta*). What are your thoughts on the situation? Thanks in advance for your insight.

Thank you Anon, I am indeed well. Great question.
I agree, I think that many people (probably most) are pretty rigid in their ideas about what makes doms and subs… Well doms and subs. I feel that’s also true for bears, twinks, jocks, etc. I think this rigidity is due to inherent social instincts humans have. By narrowing down what makes your group joinable, you actually make yourself more elite in the process! “Not everyone can be like me and that makes me and people special and unique!” It’s the old mentality around tribes from when we were hunter/gatherers.
I think that one of the predominant sources of what makes up what people think a Dom and sub should be is porn. I personally feel that’s a problem. Porn is great! I love porn… but…porn is a performance. It’s definitely not real. In porn you won’t see a bottom who enema’d accidentally unleash some water he didn’t know was inside him during sex. You also never see that sometimes it takes more than 1 day and more than 1 shoot for the top to cum for the camera. Porn generally seeks to make itself as widely appealing as possible so more people will purchase it. All this is to say that porn is by no means an authority. There’s more good and bad to sex, kink, and life than porn shows.
It’s so vital to know what you like and what you don’t. If you’ve been practicing kink for 25 years and you’ve seen it all and tried most of it and now you want to be rigid about it? Cool. If you’re 18, reading my blog for the first time and already know what you like without trying it out or seeing someone passionate about it perform it in front of you? That’s where I have a problem. I feel what we should strive for is: “This is what dominance and submission means for me.” rather than “This is what dominants and submissives are.” The first one is true and the second one is false. Straight up.
Kink is an act of social rebellion. “I have sex my way and it’s different from just rubbing our bits together till I pass out and leave my partner unsatisfied.” Hell, homosexuality is still something of a rebellion against society. If we’ve all gone through the trouble of standing up against social norms and the entire BS that accompanies that… why aren’t we boldly ourselves? Why stop at a comfortable definition that limits our view of the world around us? There’s too much weird and wonderful stuff in life that you’ll miss if you aren’t open to it.
But as a final disclaimer? Interest in unusual things. Interest in being myself as much as possible. And belief that there’s more to a kinky life than what porn shows you? That’s all part of my world view and my own bias. But hey, if I won’t fight for it, no one will.

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