Can I have a playful dom?

Hello! First, I want to thank you for running this blog, I've learnt a lot about BDSM which is great because I used to have a very warped view of it. I'd like to ask for some advice though.. I'm only 20 and sex is still new for me and while I like fantasizing about being dominated, I think IRL I'd at most want some playful kinky sex every now and then but leave it at that. Do you think I have a place in the BDSM/kink community / are there similar people like me here who want it more "casual"?

Hi there Anon!

I’m glad I could disabuse you of untrue notions! You’re too kind to my blogs! And thank you for the question!

If you’re only 20 and sex is still new there’s probably a lot about yourself you don’t know about yet. I don’t want this to be an older person talking down to a younger person but I was talking to a friend recently about how I’m different now at 34 than when I was 20. I think when you’re my age you’ll feel the same way.

It’s pretty common to start out on bondage and as you get comfortable become more interested in more complicated expressions of it like suspension or Shibari (Japanese bondage which often makes the submissive a piece of art). So I’d really just encourage you to remain open to expansions of interest in existing kinks as time goes on. That said, there’s absolutely no harm in giving the model of relationship a try and seeing if you like it as much as you imagine.

Do I think you have a place in the BDSM community? Yes, I do… but… I’m not sure that you’ll really want a place with the larger community. There’s people of all intensity levels, but outside of meeting up at a bar and drinking I think you’ll find activities like dungeon nights, leather title shows (Mr. IML for example), and probably even workshops may be more intense than you’d care to play.
There are absolutely people who want occasional casual kinky play. I think you’re a bit more likely to find them among kink curious vanilla types than you are among established kinksters with deep interests in the activities that get them off.

There’s a place for everyone in the kink community. Just be aware that some people take their kink life very seriously and be upfront about what you’re looking for and you should be fine.

Any inquiries about kink? Don’t know where to turn? Ask me anything!

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