Sir Alex's BDSM Advice

"What would you say to a sub who has to be a alpha in the work place and after a long hard day at work has a hard time letting the walls back down to be the sub to his master?"  That’s a really great question. I have a few thoughts, but if you can… I’d like to ask you why is it hard to let the walls down when you get home? Is this something you’ve always had an issue with? Is it hardest during the work week? Are there any times when entering subspace is easy for you? I still have some general thoughts but if I could have an answer to those questions I could probably be a bit more specific 1.       Relax - When you come home, designate some time to decompress from your day (however you do that). A Master is a being of many endless wants. If he cares about you he needs to give you some space when you get home for however long you need. The most important thing to remember about subs and doms alike is that we’re all people and we need time to be people for a...

"Excuse me Sir, I'm sorry for bothering you but do you have any advice on first-timer submissive who just made a contact (i followed your advice on how to find a Sir using Recon) with a dom from another country and said he is willing to host? Many insecurities comes to mind- is this real, is this dangerous, what should i do and so on, or is all of this irrelevant and i should just go for it? Not to mention having no previous experiences. How should i proceed? Would appreciate your advice, Sir."   No bother at all boy, I love answering questions. I saw you’re wondering whether this Dom is for real. Let’s treat this dominant like he is for real just to play out how that could work out. 1.        You’re away from home   - If you get to the other country you’re probably dependent on this guy to get a flight back. That gives him a lot of leverage over your departure and no matter how much you talk to him, how trust worthy he seems, it’s alw...

"Dear Sir, I have come up finally with a situation regarding a contract for ownership. Do you have any templates as I've never used a physical "written up" contract before. I've just collared my boy(s) and that's been enough but I was intrigues by the request so I thought I would ask someone more knowledgeable. Any guidelines would be appreciated. Thank you in advance." Hello fellow Master, Yes. I have one with @bredbeta​. I won’t share that contract word for word but I will copy some ideas for stuff to go into it. Here are some ideas we built into it: Defining terms - We wanted to make sure that terms like cheating were defined. We wanted to discuss what was and wasn’t acceptable. What’s acceptable - We wanted to make sure we discussed what is and isn’t acceptable with punishments, interactions with people outside the relationship, and so forth. What does it look like to have outside sex - Since an open relationship is part of our model we had ...

"Hi! Maybe you could help me understand something. I'm a dominant who crave to dominate others doms. It's a big turn on for me. I have no or little interest to play with an obedient submissive. I want to "fight" and subdue a strong dominant man. Is this common? It's more difficult for me to find someone to play with..."  Have I got some good news for you! You can totally find guys like that will challenge you. First off, let me post this link: https://bdsmtest.org/ This link is relevant because when you take the test I bet at the end you’re going to score highly for a “Brat Tamer”. It is not an identity that seems to be used outside of the test, but here’s what I understand a Brat Tamer to do. One of the sexiest things for a Brat Tamer to do is to dominate someone who makes it a challenge. That sounds exactly like you. You can actually find a number of submissive men for whom the sexiest part of play is to struggle against domination only to buckl...

"Hello, sir. I'm a boy from Phoenix, AZ new to the beta life, and I have a question regarding body hair on a fag. Is it permissible for a fag to have a fair amount of body hair? Even on their privates and ass? Thank you, Sir, for your time."  I get this question a lot. The answer of whether it’s permissible or not comes down to two things. First, how do YOU feel about the body hair? Do you like it? Is it troublesome to keep it trim? If you feel that it’s best for you to keep the body hair because it can get ingrown in the skin, you just think it’s sexy, or for any reason you feel strongly about… KEEP IT! If it matters enough to you that you have a preference about it, i’d suggest not serving a dominant who says that you have to shave/wax the hair to serve him long term. You may feel differently, but i do think it’s reasonable to ask a boy to keep the hair trim at some length. Second, how does the Sir you want to serve feel about the body hair? Whenever you’re sen...

"Hello sir, I'm a younger sub and have a couple questions about safety. Firstly, are poppers safe to use, like is overdose a possibility and how damaging are they to your brain? Secondly, how do you find good doms? I've been using omegle but are there any sites you recommend, everyone on there is a flaky dom and leaves after the session, so do you perhaps have anyone you recommend even?"   Hi pup! One of the things I dislike about Tumblr is its transient nature. It is hard to post stuff so that people can persistently see it. I have a  Table of Contents  for posts I’ve written that would answer your question on how to find good Doms. Specifically,  how to find a Sir  and  what to look for in a Sir  but before I get into finding a Sir let’s address your questions in order Are poppers safe to use?  If you’d asked me a few months ago I would’ve largely said yes. However, recent  research  indicates it might have a serious draw back....

"Hello sir. I'm a senior in college who is a sub/switch and I've finally met another person in tumblr who lives nearby, is a year older than me, and is into the same stuff I am(boot worship/trampling) (he also says he's 90% sub, 10% dom). We've talked for a bit and we both have expressed that meeting for a session would be awesome. I'd messaged him a few days ago and he never responded. I'm afraid that he's ignoring me/passively cancelling our idea but I don't want to sound pushy. Any advice?"   Thanks for the question! I’m in this very situation almost monthly. I think that the first bit of context we should add in here is that when it comes to messages through messenger there is no notification outside of Tumblr (unlike this very ask you sent me which generated an email). Whatever you write, you should just keep in mind without a notification if anything serious came up in real life he might have become distracted and forgotten about the...

"I'm a Dom who suffers from depression and anxiety. Though I'm in treatment, I still have episodes, and both my depression and anxiety operate in the background. As a result, I find that I doubt myself quite often and feel insecure. That problem is particularly bad in sexualized spaces, like most gay bars and especially BDSM spaces. I also find it difficult to determine when to open up to my subs about these issues. Do you have any advice?"   Hey there fellow dominant! I hope today finds you well. Hmm. I think one of the first things I want to say is that, (if you aren’t already) you should come to a place where you can feel OK saying to yourself that this just isn’t some people’s business. It IS OK to not tell someone you’re playing with on the regular for any reason or no reason at all! There are socially acceptable niceties such as “I’m not feeling well” as a reason to cancel if you’re having an episode and in the moment you don’t want to start the conversatio...

"I usually cum pretty quick, but almost always go for 2-3 rounds. Any advice on being able to last longer the first time around?" Hey there, thanks for the question! First off, let me say that being able to go for multiple rounds consistently is a big plus for most guys (and gals if you’re bi). I think that a multi-pronged approach is probably your best bet.  But before I get to that approach, I’m hesitant to mention this solution but it could lead to a good outcome for you so I will. I don’t know if you have any issues with depression but anti-depressants usually have a negative effect on your ability to orgasm and considering your sensitivity could be helpful. But let’s be COMPLETELY clear what I’m suggesting. I am saying that if it turns out that you do actually have very real issues with depression and have avoided going to see a psychiatrist about them that under their direct supervision medication in this particular case might help two problems at once. If you do...

"How do you approach a dom without scaring him off? I want to let him know that he can do literally anything to me without over doing it." I’m going to start by assuming that you’re absolutely capable of anything a dominant can dish out to give my initial advice. That second sentence you wrote needs to be carefully rephrased. Assuming the following is true, I'd be far more comfortable hearing: “Sir, hello. I am a submissive who finds you and what you do very attractive. I’d like to let you know I am a very experienced submissive. I have been practicing BDSM for X years and have had dominant after dominant pushing my limits and I think you will find they are more developed than submissives who may have approached you so far. If you’re inclined to hear more I’d be happy to tell you about my experiences and discuss yours as well.” The above is thoughtful, conversational, and respectful. I’d find something to that effect far more believable than “no limits” which I h...

"Hello Sir, have you ever wounded a boy accidentally? I apologized and he said it was nothing but I feel so, so bad." Hi there! I think I'm talking to a fellow Sir but I’m a little uncertain… I’m so sorry to hear that! I know exactly how guilty you must feel. I have messed up. I haven’t actually wounded someone yet. Hope I never do. I did mess up once with a submissive in my care. In short, I did not know that a boy who had a ball gag in his mouth needed to drool and not swallow spit. When I struck his ass with a cane it was a harder than before he was surprised and inhaled sharply. The spittle went into his lungs and his body panicked as if he were drowning. He was, however, bound at the time and thrashing about clearly freaking out. I had to push my way in despite being kicked and elbowed to remove the gag and cut him free of the ropes with safety scissors. In the end, he took a moment to steady himself, I apologized, and he ran out. I’ve never seen or heard from...

"Hello sir. I'm a senior in college who is a sub/switch and I've finally met another person in tumblr who lives nearby, is a year older than me, and is into the same stuff I am(boot worship/trampling) (he also says he's 90% sub, 10% dom). We've talked for a bit and we both have expressed that meeting for a session would be awesome. I'd messaged him a few days ago and he never responded. I'm afraid that he's ignoring me/passively cancelling our idea but I don't want to sound pushy. Any advice?" Thanks for the question! I’m in this very situation almost monthly. I think that the first bit of context we should add in here is that when it comes to messages through messenger there is no notification outside of Tumblr (unlike this very ask you sent me which generated an email). Whatever you write, you should just keep in mind without a notification if anything serious came up in real life he might have become distracted and forgotten about the ...

" I'm a Dom who suffers from depression and anxiety. Though I'm in treatment, I still have episodes, and both my depression and anxiety operate in the background. As a result, I find that I doubt myself quite often and feel insecure. That problem is particularly bad in sexualized spaces, like most gay bars and especially BDSM spaces. I also find it difficult to determine when to open up to my subs about these issues. Do you have any advice? " Hey there fellow dominant! I hope today finds you well. Hmm. I think one of the first things I want to say is that, (if you aren’t already) you should come to a place where you can feel OK saying to yourself that this just isn’t some people’s business. It IS OK to not tell someone you’re playing with on the regular for any reason or no reason at all! There are socially acceptable niceties such as “I’m not feeling well” as a reason to cancel if you’re having an episode and in the moment you don’t want to start the conversat...