Sir Alex's BDSM Advice

I have a question now I know that some like to be dominated and they make it subtly known because they have experience and do so. But how you stop someone who thinks you’re a bottom without any or whatever from approaching you like that and I mean on apps and in real life. To help you understand  a little more I'm trying to find what I like best since I just became Bi but all I get are the overly aggressive dudes saying things from "you know you want to bottom for me" to "you know you want this" I'm kinda new but that shit just rubs the wrong way and I want to believe I can actually  find someone or something with someone that help me understand but I worry that I have to deal with that shitty aggression. So, my real question is that normal or do I just have bad luck? - Anon Hey there anon,  I'm a little uncertain if this applies to you. You wrote: "I just became Bi." And I’m unclear if you've decided the label fits you or y...

I am and always have been a total bottom with a small dick who gets intensely turned on by thinking of myself as inferior to certain other men, and naturally submissive in their presence. In fact it's pretty much the only way I get aroused. But another part of me continues to feel like there's something wrong with me for having those feelings. What's your perspective on that? I think the important first step would be to wrestle with why exactly you feel it’s wrong to have those feelings? Ever heard the folk advice when it comes to dating: “Don’t fuck on the first date?” Even if you personally stick to that advice, I’m sure you know others who don’t and have very successful romantic lives. Folk advice You know what’s also a bit of folk advice? “Everyone is equal.” To be absolutely precise regarding what I mean is: not everyone WANTS to be equal. That’s perfectly OK too. Why? Because it’s directly related to ...

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Hello, Sir. I'm 26, been trying to be a Dom since I was a teen. Currently serving as a submissive for a MissMoxie. She is training me to eventually be able to take proper alpha cock. My question is: have you any experience as a submissive, and do you have any tips for a recent Dom-turned-sub. Hello little switch, First up, no. I do not have any experience as a submissive. When i wanted to be a better dominant i found a pro-Dominant and paid him for his time. Once a week for 8 months we spoke over skype on a variety of topics i wanted education on and i drove that education. I planned, i thought out questions, hell i even did some homework at one point, and i participated to the fullest extent i could in that entire process. I’m not entirely certain i understand your story though. Are you serving MissMoxie because she is teaching you lessons about being dominant and in exchange you serve her? I’m not ce...

Your blog makes me want to assert my natural superiority to a young, white male in the L.A. Area. I'm 34yo, white/Latin, professional, athletic. Your posts lit a fire in me and I want to learn from a mentor the way you did. Who's the best? Any trained fags in the area whom you know? Best is really a matter of opinion. I am always partial first towards my mentor. Eric Pride. For anyone else who hadn’t seen the mentor references he was referring to… I spent 8 months speaking with my mentor over skype. We did an hour every other week. I paid him for his time and I came up with my own curriculum and directed my own education. I am certain Eric would not mind taking on a new student. Do a quick google search and you can find him easily. He is my preferred suggestion. If cash is tight, you could always try going the route our BDSM forefathers went and participate in the “old guard”. The Old Guard references a particular structure of BDSM wherein you can only parti...

I'm having trouble with my cock cage. Even though it seems as tight as it could possibly be, every now and then one ball kinda retracts up into my scrotum and pops through the ring which then causes it to fall off. Any suggestions about how I can avoid this? Well, testicles retract inside us when they are cold. Given that it’s winter here in the northern hemisphere that cold air could certainly explain why one of your testicles does an escape act! I think I have a solution, but it’s not going to be super comfortable. If you can, grab a ball stretcher and see if you can put it on when you’re going to go out into the cold. Ball stretchers are better able to grip your balls and will pull them down and separate. I suggest something rubbery and I’ll include a link to a product that may help. I’d only wear these for the duration of time that you’re going to be in a cold area and then take them off once you’ve been in a wa...

Hi. I have a question for you, which is possibly an open ended writing trigger. How do you suggest someone let go in terms of being submissive? I have submissive fantasies and desires, but I don't act on them because I don't know how to let go or give myself to someone else in that way. I can never clear my mind and be sexually free during intimate situations. It tends to be anxiety more than anything else, no matter who the partner is or how comfortable I am with them. Thank you! Thanks for the question. Before i say anything else, you must know… I can’t tell you how to submit mentally. That is the part you have to make happen for yourself. That said. I asked my boy  if he had any input i might have missed as a dominant. Here are his thoughts: - Remember how much you desire Domination. - Hold in your mind the reasons your chosen Man is worthy of y...

I own a handsome young beta who is a perfect fit for me. He can take a rough pounding like a champ. Honestly, not many guys can. But this younger generation doesn't use email. It's hard to get ahold of him. I'm not ready for an ultimatum. Thoughts? I find your question a bit confusing. You say you own this boy and he’s a perfect fit, but then you go right into not being able to get a hold of him and talk of ultimatums. An ultimatum is not a solution I hear often proposed for problems when two people fit together as well as you describe. How long have you owned him for? What does he say about you not being able to contact him? Does he make excuses? Does he not say much nor seem to care? Does he have a good reason for not being available at will? Did you both consensually agree to ownership and go through a ceremony? Did you talk about what it means to be...

Can pain be trained/taught as a pleasure? I mean I feel pleasure being slapped and spanked, but there is no pain in what I enjoy. I find masochism very arousing but I don't think I could bear a whipping session. What an excellent question! To directly answer your question, in my personal opinion (because I could find no answer I felt was definitive), no. I don’t think someone can be truly taught pain as pleasure. I think that some people are wired for it and others aren’t or don’t have an open enough mindset to try it. I have a few friends with some chronic health problems who are into the BD of BDSM. Having experienced so much pain throughout the course of their life they cannot imagine taking any kind of pleasure from it. For that matter, I know many who are blessed to lack such issues and can’t see ever desiring pain. I think that pain is something you hav...

Hello, SIR. I hope you're having an amazing day. I have a question about my gag reflex. I want to be able to have Men fuck my throat like they do my ass. And I want them to be able to shove in deep to cum or piss if they want without me ever gagging. I feel like if they have a big dick I tend to shy away since I feel like I'm not good enough of a fag for them by not being able to take it to the root. Can you please instruct me on the best method to overcome my inadequacies? First off, there really are men whose dicks simply will not fit in your throat no matter what you do. Throats and dicks all come in different shapes and sizes and something COMPLETELY filling your throat or stretching it is bad news. That said, it is ok to take a gauge with your mouth and see if it fits rather than just eye the dick. As for the gag reflex. I try to be compassionate of submissives when I respond. Dominants ask a...

Please help me Sir! My Daddy wants to bring a FTM into our hierarchy. I am not happy about this, but want to be respectful to my Daddy. What should I do? I will do the best I can to offer help, but there’s a lot of missing info. Feel free to answer any of these questions What kind of hierarchy is this? Are you at the top of the submissive part of your hierarchy? Was this action being undertaken regardless of your wishes? Why are you unhappy about the addition of this submissive? I find it interesting that the new person is referred to by you as a FTM rather than a submissive. What are your concerns around this person being an FTM? Are you concerned because your Daddy expressed a desire for all three of you to play? Are you concerned about what it means about his sexuality or perhaps you have concerns about competing because that submissive offers something you literally cannot? I don’t know the answer to those questions, but if you haven’t considered them take a moment to do ...