Sir Alex's BDSM Advice

I'm a boy coming to terms with myself. Was wondering what are your thoughts on boys? Why are we the way we are? When I think back on my earliest sexual thoughts they all involved submission. I tried to deny them for a long time and it's difficult to admit it still. Why do I feel this desire to take cock, to be held by big, strong Men, be told I'm a good boy? What a philosophical question. I love it. So you’re having trouble coming to terms with being a submissive. Hmm, well there’s two components that might be giving you trouble. Component one is Society. “Everyone should be a leader, we should all be strong people who bow to no one!” That’s bullshit. It takes a lot of guts and personal strength to serve a man. After all you have to put your trust in someone else and let go. There are people who live their entire lives wanting to let go but ...

Hello Sir, I'm in a dilemma with my Dom right now. He wants to put me in chastity, but I'm not big enough (about 2-3" hard) with no hanging balls. I feel like I disappoint him because I can't please Him and I feel like a failure. He tell me not to worry about it but I can't shake the feeling of disappointment. What could I do to stop feeling like this and please Him. Thank you for answering Sir. There are most definitely little chastity cages you can get for your size. I would encourage you to reach out to chastity blogs for other guys your size and see what they have to say as far as a specific model you can search for on google. If I’m mistaken and there really isn’t such a model, then it’s time to get creative about chastity. The cage is not the end all be all. There are many men who have no cage yet never touch themselves outsid...

SIR, Your words and thoughts are so much appreciated by boys like me. There is a question that I cannot seem to answer and wanted to see if you would be willing to enlighten me. I respond to the idea of a faggot, a pussyboi, beta and sub. I'd even say in some scenarios a slave. Is there a way to clarify my role or is a blend common? It is clear that serving Real Men, Masters and Alphas is my purpose but is there a clearer purpose for me? Thanks much. bornfaggot You’re too kind bornfaggot. And this is a great question. It is absolutely common to have a blend. Kink, sexuality, personality, and general levels of happiness all exist on a spectrum. So as kinksters it’s really common to be a blend of sexual interests. http://thegayboybible.tumblr.com/post/139354493831/faggot-omega-boy I wrote an entry on three motivations of submissives. I think you should read this post not for the identities but to wrap...

I am a newbie, I find your writing very expanding and helpful. What advise can you offer a very scared to fail person? I think that being very scared to fail is unhealthy for personal growth. I wrote something on this already at:  http://thegayboybible.tumblr.com/post/138440062196/cultivating-bravery But I’m going to try to focus on giving advice I haven’t given already. 1) Failure Is How We Learn And Grow - You learn so much more from failure than you do success. In BDSM that’s a really important thing. Learning that I’ve tied a rope too tight helps every sub after that moment. Failing to tie a knot teaches me what to change in future to get it down pat. A perpetual expectation perfection is a recipe for frustration. 2) Failures Of The Past Won’t Be Seen By Those In The Present - If you fail at an activity. Learn from it. Try again, and get it right going fo...

Sir, may i please ask what drives a Dominant in general terms? What makes Him tick? Is it the control? The helplessness of His sub? Inflicting pain? Humiliation? Does submissiveness/obedience turn Him on? Is it fun to train, or a chore? Thank You Sir Unfortunately, I can’t answer this question. Every dominant is different. I would rather doubt that there is a truly universal set of principles that makes every dominant tick. We’re humans not androids ;) Any answer I give is related to me and my personal experience and we should all understand while reading it that my experience cannot be extrapolated to apply universally to all dominants. I am highly motivated by control. In fact I’m always seeking to accrue more of it from everyone that serves me. Especially when boys tell me no. I want to make them say yes later of their own free will and turn over any controls they initially denied me. Inflicting pain and humiliatio...

Am I a selfish faggot Sir? I serve a very big, heavy, hairy, powerful alpha. He has a 9 x 6.5 cock, he's 6'2, 240lbs, very hairy and he stinks of sweat when we meet. He loves to be dominant. I'm required to lick clean his feet, pits, balls and arse when we meet. I suck and choke on his big dick. My useless cock is ignored totally. Just wish he's smash my cunt much more. Been too inferior to ask. Other alphas always fuck me - they love it. He's amazing. Am I being a spoiled fag? What should I do? Are you a selfish faggot? Maybe? It’s kinda hard to say based on what you wrote. It doesn’t sound like it. A spoiled fag would insist on being fucked. Then pout when he doesn’t get his way and act out by way of protest. You could try asking and see what he says. You’d be surprised how flexible alphas can be. Some things to consider : He may just like oral. Plenty of men prefer it to anal. That dominant ...

Sir, can a boy or slave expect care and affection from his Dom? What if there is a death in the family, or a sibling needs help, or a sub becomes ill? Will the Dom be more of a partner when things go wrong in life? Thank You, Sir. You would have to ask an individual dominant this question. All of this is specific to individuals.  There is not much that can accurately be said of dominants as a group. I think you SHOULD be able to expect this. A dominant cares for his boy and is supposed to protect him and keep him safe in and out of the dungeon. I think that some guys fall into a trap of thinking where they’re concerned subs won’t respect and adore them if they drop the dominance for a single moment (even if they need to). Also, there’s a buddy I have who is a submissive. He really likes to be abused (hit, insulted, and degraded) and he has a kinky husband. However, his husband really loves and cares for this b...

Why do people cheat. I'm asking you as much as I'm asking myself. I keep putting myself in bad situations and have cheated multiple times. Both consenting/notso-consenting for me. I can't seem to stop. I fucking hate myself so much, so fucking much... Ouch, you sound like you’re in a lot of pain. As far as I know there are two reasons people seem to cheat. The first one is often subconscious.  You have something wrong with the relationship and you don’t want to be in it anymore, but don’t know how to get out of it without hurting someone. So instead, you slam down on the relationship destruct button and become the bad guy assuring the relationship will end. If the above resonates for you then I have some thoughts. First off, when a relationship ends, it is not possible to not hurt the other person. The very nature of a relationship is to make ourselves vulnerable to another person so we can love them....

I've sucked cock, but I can't come to terms w being gay or doing anal. Like after I cum I'm not attracted to guys anymore. But when I'm horny I only want guys. I've sucked 4 dicks and never anal. Like what is wrong w me? Am I gay or what? If I am gay then why do I want nothing to do w men when I'm not horny. Also sometimes when I am horny I'll watch lesbian porn but only domination lesbian porn w strapons and stuff. I just want to figure out what is going on if you can help me! First off, i want to assure you that confusion around exactly who you are sexually is not uncommon at all. As more and more men become aware that “man/woman” is not the exclusive extent of sexuality, lots of guys who are in fact straight end up questioning who they are. I think that the most prudent thing to do would be to give you some things to think about. Ultimately, you have to discover who you are for...

Hi. I'm still very new to your blog. I just read your post "Faggot, Omega, Boy" and I'm trying to see where I fit in this. Because some times ago, I realized that what I truly crave is to be humiliated, to feel violated, may be below others like the omega. I like to please my superior, but, more than that, I wanna please him in the most degrading way because it turn me on and because it turn him on too. I want him to use my body, control me and push me further into my submission and degradation. I wrote that article to get dominants to realize that not all boys are the same cookie cutter shape. That boys are different and need to be treated differently depending on their motivations for submission. Treating boys the same was one of the biggest mistakes I made as a dominant early on. But to directly answer your question, that particular mo...

Hello BetaBreeder, my master is a 95% dom. We have been in a consensual 'abusive' relationship for 5 years. I love your blog and have 2 questions: 1. I get bred by my master 4 - 6 times a day. I really love receiving his cum and would like it to be kept in me by way of a butt-plug. My master doesn't want this because he says it makes me slack-assed. Do you know any other ways to keep cum in a boy's pussy? 2. My master is v sadistic and canes me every other day. Do you have tips on skin care? -L. Hello Boy L,  Thanks very much, I always love to hear that my blog is a favorite of readers! 1) Holy shit, 4-6 times a day is a LOT. I don’t know how either of you get anything done! A butt plug was a fine idea, I mean you don’t have to put one that’s a recreation of Dawson’s fist in there or anything, but something to plug the opening would work. I...

Have you/would you control or restrict your musclebitch's diet and food to achieve your vision of the perfect sex body? The muscle bitches I’ve played with came to me sexy. No, I wouldn’t control their diet or food, I’d rather insist they simply stick to whatever diet is keeping them looking as sexy as they are. Whether it’s diet, clothing, protocol, or anything else that granular where I have tried controlling every little aspect of a man… I found it tedious. It is a sexy concept but in execution there’s basically zero down time and it wore me down. In fact, the experience of having done it actually killed a lot of the sexy because now all I see is the invested work and so much goddamn time. There are men out there that both want and need that level of control over them and there are men who need to have that control. I am not one of them. But I respec...

What would you say to a sub who has to be a alpha in the work place and after a long hard day at work has a hard time letting the walls back down to be the sub to his master? That’s a really great question. I have a few thoughts, but if you can… I’d like to ask you why is it hard to let the walls down when you get home? Is this something you’ve always had an issue with? Is it hardest during the work week? Are there any times when entering subspace is easy for you? I still have some general thoughts but if I could have an answer to those questions I could probably be a bit more specific 1.       Relax   - When you come home, designate some time to decompress from your day (however you do that). A Master is a being of many endless wants. If he cares about you he needs to give you some space when you get home for however long you need. The most important thing to remember about subs an...

Excuse me Sir, I'm sorry for bothering you but do you have any advice on first-timer submissive who just made a contact (i followed your advice on how to find a Sir using Recon) with a dom from another country and said he is willing to host? Many insecurities comes to mind- is this real, is this dangerous, what should i do and so on, or is all of this irrelevant and i should just go for it? Not to mention having no previous experiences. How should i proceed? Would appreciate your advice, Sir. No bother at all boy, I love answering questions. I saw you’re wondering whether this Dom is for real. Let’s treat this dominant like he is for real just to play out how that could work out. 1.       You’re away from home   - If you get to the other country you’re probably dependent on this guy to get a flight back. That gives him a lot o...

Hi Sir, I hope you are well. Everyone seems to have their own rigid ideas about what a Master or slave is, or how they should behave. I'm in a long-term relationship where we have differing ideas about it. I prefer to strive for complete submission, whereas Sir wants his slave to challenge him occasionally. I guess I may have picked up some of these ideals from people on Tumblr (*cough cough* Bredbeta*). What are your thoughts on the situation? Thanks in advance for your insight . Thank you Anon, I am indeed well. Great question. I agree, I think that many people (probably most) are pretty rigid in their ideas about what makes doms and subs… Well doms and subs. I feel that’s also true for bears, twinks, jocks, etc. I think this rigidity is due to inherent social instincts humans have. By narrowing down what makes your group joinable, you actually make yourself more elite in the process! “Not everyone can be l...

Dear Sir, I have come up finally with a situation regarding a contract for ownership. Do you have any templates as I've never used a physical "written up" contract before. I've just collared my boy(s) and that's been enough but I was intrigues by the request so I thought I would ask someone more knowledgeable. Any guidelines would be appreciated. Thank you in advance. Hello fellow Master, Yes. I have one with my boyfriend/submissive​. I won’t share that contract word for word but I will copy some ideas for stuff to go into it. Here are some ideas we built into it: Defining terms - We wanted to make sure that terms like cheating were defined. We wanted to discuss what was and wasn’t acceptable. What’s acceptable - We wanted to make sure we discussed what is and isn’t acceptable with punishments, interactions with people outside the relations...

As a total bottom I'll occasionally go into heats where no matter how many times I masturbate I won't feel satisfied or be able to relax until I stuff my ass with whatever is on hand(toys, boyfriend, particularly lonely vegetables) have you heard of this before? Do you know any other bottoms who have this happen? That’s an interesting question because i think I’ve experienced the other side of that same experience. I have heard of bottoms being in heat. But my recollection is primarily hearing that in captions or as a part of porn. I don’t think that I know of any bottoms I’ve fucked or know in real life who have admitted this to me. I’m not a bottom (I am a vers top if that matters to you or another reader), but i have instances where i get really horny and I’ll masturbate a few times a day. The masturbation and act of orgasm helps relieve the nee...

Hi! Maybe you could help me understand something. I'm a dominant who crave to dominate others doms. It's a big turn on for me. I have no or little interest to play with an obedient submissive. I want to "fight" and subdue a strong dominant man. Is this common? It's more difficult for me to find someone to play with... Have I got some good news for you! You can totally find guys like that will challenge you. First off, let me post this link:  https://bdsmtest.org/ This link is relevant because when you take the test I bet at the end you’re going to score highly for a “Brat Tamer”. It is not an identity that seems to be used outside of the test, but here’s what I understand a Brat Tamer to do. One of the sexiest things for a Brat Tamer to do is to dominate someone who makes it a challenge. That sounds exactly like you. You can actually find a number of submissive men for whom the sexiest part o...

In your experience, what one act or interaction with a beta most cements in your own mind that you have established your dominance or that he has established his inferiority? Breeding is the obvious first guess I would have, but plenty of guys like to get fucked who are not or have not made themselves betas. Is there something in particular you like to do or have the beta do that takes if from "we're just fooling around" to "we're not equals and never will be"? I thought about this question for AWHILE! It was rather hard for me to pick apart my experience. I have to start this out by saying no matter what the question is... I’m the kind of person with a couple of top favorites. So in that exact spirit, and in no particular order: Tell me you’re beneath me - The instant a boy tells me he wants to be beneath someone he’s bene...

Hello, sir. I'm a boy from Phoenix, AZ new to the beta life, and I have a question regarding body hair on a fag. Is it permissible for a fag to have a fair amount of body hair? Even on their privates and ass? Thank you, Sir, for your time. I get this question a lot. The answer of whether it’s permissible or not comes down to two things. First, how do YOU feel about the body hair? Do you like it? Is it troublesome to keep it trim? If you feel that it’s best for you to keep the body hair because it can get ingrown in the skin, you just think it’s sexy, or for any reason you feel strongly about… KEEP IT! If it matters enough to you that you have a preference about it, i’d suggest not serving a dominant who says that you have to shave/wax the hair to serve him long term. You may feel differently, but i do think it’s reasonable to ask a boy to keep the hair trim at some length. Second, how does the Sir you want to serve feel about the body hair? Whenever you’re se...

Wonderful blog, I sincerely mean it. I'd like to ask a question: I've just found a new puppy (unfortunately pretty distant from me) and since it's a new thing for me, having a long distance master-puppy relationship I've got no idea (ok, maybe I've got some but not really creative ones) about how to play with him and make him serve me. Do you have any advice about what could a master do in my position? Maybe an advice about the idea in general P.S. do you have any methods in naming a puppy? Thank you very much! You’re too kind! I hate to say it, but I actually don’t exactly know what to do with him either. Long distance play is something I could never really get a handle on. So I’m not sure how much help I can be. I think that ultimately this is going to be a good experience for you. Creativity comes easiest when you have restrictions impos...

Hello Sir, Recently had a cuck contact me looking for a Sir for his hubby. Said his hubby was attracted to me & wanted the opportunity to serve me, a Sir, for his first time as a boy. Yesterday was the first engagement with the boy & he did a nice job of following instructions and opening up about his need to serve. I'm a vers Sir/boy/faggot and move from one to the other. I understand both cuck & boy perspective but, never had at the same time in a couple. Any advice navigating them both? Thx U Thanks for the question! I reached out to this follower just to clarify a bit on the question. He told me that he is looking for advice to dominate two people in a couple at once. - The most important piece of advice is, I think, give both something to do - The challenge when dominating two boys is giving both enough attention and multitasking of course. So to make dominating easier for you assign the boy...

I only used to dom, but recently have subbed a few times. The last owner I met, said he was giving me a sub test. He had me bend over and spread my cheeks, pissed on my hole and in it with a funnel, then stuck his index finger in. When he tried to pull out, my hole tightened around it. He said I knew you were a faggot sub bitch. It was hot AF, but is that real? My believe it or not says… 100% NOT A THING! But you believed him which speaks to how well he sold it in the moment. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. It is part of being a skilled dominant to sell subs on the fantasy in the moment because it’s hot. Here’s the important thing, how you proceed from here. I had a friend lately who was asking me about whether or not he’s a switch and how he should identify. He is a submissive but found someone he could dominate. I told him that in truth all of us have ...

Hello sir, I'm a younger sub and have a couple questions about safety. Firstly, are poppers safe to use, like is overdose a possibility and how damaging are they to your brain? Secondly, how do you find good doms? I've been using omegle but are there any sites you recommend, everyone on there is a flaky dom and leaves after the session, so do you perhaps have anyone you recommend even? Are poppers safe to use?  If you’d asked me a few months ago I would’ve largely said yes. However, recent  research  indicates it might have a serious draw back. Here’s the info I know: poppers DO lower your immune response, you can get sick or be more likely to catch a cold, STDs, or HIV from the lower immune response. They also can cause some excessively dry skin if you spill it on yourself. Poppers also lower blood pressure so if you have naturally low blood pressure or are taking Viagra DO NOT TAKE POPPERS. It can c...

Hi there, I'm a (about to be) 21-year-old sub who's into boot and glove worship (although it's a bit more complicated than that). I'm a guy who likes women, am grey-Asexual (I'd have sex for kids), but I have a fetish involving guys' boots/shoes. (The same footwear on a woman doesn't hit me as 'hot' the way it does when a man is wearing it). I've never had a relationship and I'm afraid guys won't want to take me as a sub because I'm not into sex and I'm heteroromantic. Any tips? You’re right. It is going to be more difficult finding partners. I’m sure you already know this because you seem like a very aware person but the more specific you are the harder it will be to find someone.  I think the fact that you’re not interested in sex is going to be more of a hang up than your heteroromance. I think that ultimately you will find a partner you can enjoy serving. You...

How do you approach a dom without scaring him off? I want to let him know that he can do literally anything to me without over doing it. I’m going to start by assuming that you’re absolutely capable of anything a dominant can dish out to give my initial advice. That second sentence you wrote needs to be carefully rephrased. Assuming the following is true, I'd be far more comfortable hearing: “Sir, hello. I am a submissive who finds you and what you do very attractive. I’d like to let you know I am a very experienced submissive. I have been practicing BDSM for X years and have had dominant after dominant pushing my limits and I think you will find they are more developed than submissives who may have approached you so far. If you’re inclined to hear more I’d be happy to tell you about my experiences and discuss yours as well.” The above is...

Hello Sir, have you ever wounded a boy accidentally? I apologized and he said it was nothing but I feel so, so bad. Hi there! I think I'm talking to a fellow Sir but I’m a little uncertain… I’m so sorry to hear that! I know exactly how guilty you must feel. I have messed up. I haven’t actually wounded someone yet. Hope I never do. The very first post I wrote for The Gay Boy Bible was the first big mistake I made to show why this sort of education was important. You can read the full story here . In short, I did not know that a boy who had a ball gag in his mouth needed to drool and not swallow. When I struck his ass he was surprised and inhaled sharply. The spittle went into his lungs and his body panicked as if he were drowning. He was, however, bound at the time and thrashing about clearly freaking out. I had to push in despite being kicked a...

Hello sir. I'm a senior in college who is a sub/switch and I've finally met another person in tumblr who lives nearby, is a year older than me, and is into the same stuff I am(boot worship/trampling) (he also says he's 90% sub, 10% dom). We've talked for a bit and we both have expressed that meeting for a session would be awesome. I'd messaged him a few days ago and he never responded. I'm afraid that he's ignoring me/passively cancelling our idea but I don't want to sound pushy. Any advice? Thanks for the question! I’m in this very situation almost monthly. I think that the first bit of context we should add in here is that when it comes to messages through messenger there is no notification outside of Tumblr (unlike this very ask you sent me which generated an email). Whatever you write, you should just keep in mind without a notification if anything serious came up in real life...

I'm new to the scene and I think I'm submissive, how do I know? I am always surprised when I hear this question because I think there are plenty of guys like you who know they like kink and aren’t sure where they fall on the spectrum of submission and dominance. If you come to kink and don’t already have a solid feeling you’re a dominant or submissive, I can give you a pretty easy way to start narrowing it down. Submissive -  When you’re jacking off, are you imagining what gets done TO you rather than by you? If so you are probably a submissive. Switch -  A switch is a guy who determines whether he is dominant or submissive based on the personality of the person he encounters. If the other person seems more dominant than him he’ll submit. If the other person seems more submissive, he’ll be more dominant. When you’re jacking off as a switch, you might f...

Hello Sir, I’ve been following you for a long time- always love the content! I was just wondering how the BDSM community is in dc? Do you know many doms or subs or couples? Is it a connected community? I live in Baltimore. Hello boy! I’m sorry that you’ve not yet connected to the community in Baltimore. As for DC? I honestly don’t know too much about the community. My exposure is limited to going to the DC Eagle (there’s one in Baltimore too, have you been?), a house party for an owned puppy, MAL ( Mid Atlantic Leather ), and a few times at  Code DC . I am aware of my community and friendly, but i’m happy with where i’m at and an introvert. From those points of observation i’d be able to say the community is a bit small, but because people come to DC for work and then leave to go home DC is a bit more connected to the rest of the world. The DC community is also a bit tight lipped. A lot of kinksters want to ke...

I'm a Dom who suffers from depression and anxiety. Though I'm in treatment, I still have episodes, and both my depression and anxiety operate in the background. As a result, I find that I doubt myself quite often and feel insecure. That problem is particularly bad in sexualized spaces, like most gay bars and especially BDSM spaces. I also find it difficult to determine when to open up to my subs about these issues. Do you have any advice? Hey there fellow dominant! I hope today finds you well. Hmm. I think one of the first things I want to say is that, (if you aren’t already) you should come to a place where you can feel OK saying to yourself that this just isn’t some people’s business. It IS OK to not tell someone you’re playing with on the regular for any reason or no reason at all! There are socially acceptable niceties such as “I’m not feeling well” as a reason to cancel if you’re having an episode and in ...

I usually cum pretty quick, but almost always go for 2-3 rounds. Any advice on being able to last longer the first time around? Hey there, thanks for the question! First off, let me say that being able to go for multiple rounds consistently is a big plus for most guys (and gals if you’re bi). I think that a multi-pronged approach is probably your best bet. But before I get to that approach, I’m hesitant to mention this solution but it could lead to a good outcome for you so I will. I don’t know if you have any issues with depression but anti-depressants usually have a negative effect on your ability to orgasm and considering your sensitivity could be helpful. But let’s be COMPLETELY clear what I’m suggesting. I am saying that if it turns out that you do actually have very real issues with depression and have avoided going to see a psychiatrist about them that under the...